Self-Care   Leave a comment

Something I’ve noticed a lot of disabled people are actually pretty bad at is self-care. (Yeah, it could just be my circles, but somehow I doubt it.) We push ourselves to do as much as we think we’re “supposed” to do (for me that is apparently like three times more than other people do in a day) and beat ourselves up when we don’t achieve that goal. When we have a bad day (as in, a day when our body or brain just won’t let us do stuff), we beat ourselves up over how useless we are.

Let’s be clear here: self-care isn’t coddling, it’s taking care of yourself and making sure you get what you need in order to be healthy and safe. Sometimes it means forcing yourself to do stuff, sometimes it means just going with the flow.

For example, when I get depressed one thing that often helps is spending time one-on-one with a good friend. I know this helps my mood lift and gives me energy and motivation, but when I’m depressed I often don’t feel like seeing or interacting with anyone at all. I’d rather just hide myself away in my room and stay there until I feel better. The problem is that doing that won’t help me feel better and is actually more likely to make me feel worse.

Meanwhile, sometimes I have what I call “bad brain days”: days when my executive functioning is shot all to heck and I am doing well to remember to eat. When that happens, I have to take it easy on myself. I lessen my expectations, choose just a few things to try and get done, and promise to be nice to myself if I don’t manage it. It’s not like I have any control over whether or not my brain is going to be able to do stuff on a given day; that’s part of having ADHD.

It’s taken me a long time to learn this, and I still have to work hard to make sure I look after myself properly.

Self-care is different for everyone. We all need to learn to do right for ourselves.

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