Archive for September 2015

Consistent Inconsistency (I)   Leave a comment

I doubt I’ll ever be good at keeping a blog the way people think they should be kept. “One main theme, and post regularly – if not daily, then at least once a week, on a schedule!”

That’s just not how I operate.

I’ve said many times in the past, “the only thing that’s consistent about my ADHD is its inconsistency.” And I think it’s important to recognize that, to embrace it sometimes, to work with it, and to enjoy it as much as possible.

I mean, inconsistency can be exciting. You never know when you’re going to forget a meal in the oven and have to scrounge for dinner. You never know when you’re going to get lost and learn a whole new part of the city. You never know when you’re going to fail to do the laundry for three weeks and end up wearing that weird dress someone gave you ten years ago that you’re shocked even fits you.

Did I say exciting?

Okay, I meant stressful.

Being inconsistent may be a consistent thing, but what doesn’t work one moment often works the next, so there’s no knowing from one second to the next what I’m going to be able to accomplish. This means that I will do all the right things, make my plan and have an idea of how my day is going to go, only to have everything fall apart and leave me standing in the middle of a pile of unfinished projects with a list of uncompleted (unattempted) tasks the length of my arm, and my primary achievement at that point is that at least I managed to feed everyone enough (including the animals).

This is stressful, as I’m sure you can imagine. It’s the unpredictability that drains me, far more than the actual lack of achievement. I’ve been an underachiever all my life, after all – hard not to be, with a brain that works this way.

But I want to do better. I want to do the things I plan to do. I want to achieve what I intend to achieve.

The fact that I cannot do this consistently (or, often, at all) is what makes my ADHD a disability.

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Posted September 11, 2015 by karalianne in General Disability Discussion

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